Hard Times at the Holidays: Tips for Holiday Stress Management

The holiday season is a time for family and festivities, but it can also be an emotional time when we feel stress, sadness and fatigue. Peninsula, a division of Parkwest Medical Center, offers a free downloadable Holiday Survival Guide to help you manage the stress of the season. The guide is intended for everyone, not just those who may be struggling with behavioral health issues.

Peninsula’s Holiday Survival Guide includes expert advice on common holiday stressors such as managing money, juggling schedules and coping with loneliness. It addresses how to deal with difficult relationships and offers tips for people with addictive behaviors such as alcohol and drug dependency.

Laurel Proulx, LCSW, clinical social worker at Peninsula, says, “It’s OK if the holidays are a difficult time for you. It may appear that everyone is joyful and celebrating, especially when social media often shows ‘highlight reels’ of friends’ and families’ lives. This is simply not the truth. Some people find part or all of the holidays difficult and stressful, or experience grief during the holidays.”

If the holidays are a difficult time for you, here are some tips to consider:

Health, Meaning and Purpose

When schedules get busy with holiday activities, stress can increase. Patrick Jensen, MD, a psychiatrist at Peninsula, recommends maintaining reuglar health routines while focusing on things that bring meaning and purpose to your life.

“Bring the people that you love close to you. Don’t get so busy that you’re pushing those people aside,” he says. “You’re going to need to say ‘no’ to some things, and that’s OK.

“Maintain your routines — your exercise, your nutrition, and your sleep hygiene. Sleep hygiene in particular is important in preventing depression, burnout, and feeling overwhelmed. Have a consistent sleep schedule, and turn off screens about 30 minutes before bedtime — they can interfere with sleep onset. Use the time to decompress and relax.”

Grief

People who have lost a loved one, experienced a negative life event during past holidays, or are dealing with other losses during the season may experience grief instead of joy. Recognizing your feelings is a big first step to managing grief. Understanding that you are feeling loss and why you are grieving helps you develop coping strategies, self-care plans, and positive ways to deal with emotions. You may even discover a time of personal growth that will help evolve future holidays in positive ways.

For example, if you lost your grandmother recently and the holiday meal was always at her house, plan ahead to develop a new tradition that carries on part of the past and evokes positive memories. In this example, maybe everyone picks their favorite dish she cooked and brings it to the meal, or you all spend time decorating the tree with her ornaments. The specifics of the plan are less important than thinking through options and doing what feels right in your situation.

Dealing With Difficulties

Holidays can be difficult for a variety of reasons, but “difficult” does not have to mean “bad.” Holidays may be difficult because you are traveling long distances with small children, the family you hoped to visit can’t be present, or money is tight. A family emergency may occur, financial burdens sneak up, someone has a relapse with drugs or alcohol, you have seasonal depression, or health concerns appear.

Practicing daily maintenance skills can help keep your base level of well-being intact while helping you manage additional stressors. Examples of maintenance skills include:

• Getting enough sleep
• Taking medications as prescribed
• Exercising regularly
• Eating well-balanced meals
• Limiting caffeine
• Talking to those who are part of your support system

Take time to write out a list of things you must do daily to feel well. Then create a second list of strategies you can add as needed to maintain your well-being. Your list may include following up with your primary care doctor, speaking to a therapist, asking for help from friends or family, treating yourself to something that makes you feel good, or practicing new coping skills.

Gift-Giving

Holiday activities and celebrations add to already-full plates. The pressure of gift-giving also can be stressful, as people try to find time for shopping, wrapping, and delivering what they hope are perfect gifts for loved ones.

“We sometimes place overwhelming expectations on ourselves to find the best gift. But sometimes you have to lower your internal expectations about the gifts you’re going to purchase.” Dr. Jensen says. “Your gift-giving should be realistic and feasible, and within your budget.” Without having a plan for spending, gift-giving can create extra stress, both while shopping and when bills come due later.

Gifts don’t have to be extravagant. Sometimes the most cherished presents are hand-made, home-baked, or simply the gift of reserving time for a shared actvitiy with a loved one.

Stress Management

Routinely and intentionally using stress management coping skills can help you navigate the holidays. Plan time daily for things that help with stress reduction such as exercise and talking to your support system. You might find it helpful to do something creative for self-expression, or to practice mindfulness or relaxation skills.

Sometimes, despite our efforts, we may feel overwhelmed or in crisis during the holidays. One way to help manage this is holiday crisis planning. Crisis planning is a process of identifying what’s important to you or motivates you to get through a difficult time, along with noting triggers for symptoms or warning signs that you are struggling. Crisis planning helps with emotions and identifies support resources before they’re needed.

Triggers during the holidays might include lack of sleep, family conflict, and financial stress. Warning signs may include feeling irritated or easily angered, not sleeping well, increased use of alcohol to cope with stress, feeling depressed or isolated, or lacking motivation.

Here are some examples of holiday coping skills:

• Make and follow a schedule that includes adequate rests and breaks.
• Set and follow a budget.
• Start buying gifts, plane tickets, etc., earlier so that the holidays are not one large expense.
• Have a plan to leave holiday gatherings if conflict arises.
• When the holiday season causes you anxiety and stress, be mindful —and give yourself the present.

For more tips on how to make your holiday brighter and less stressful, visit covenanthealth.com/peninsula/2024-holiday-survival-guide.